My Response To The “Dad Bod” Craze

“The dad bod is in!” Every website keeps touting about this recent “discovery.” The lackluster physique known as “dad bod” is suddenly “the thing.”

Women are going crazy for it. It makes girls feel more secure about their own bodies. Guys with abs are insecure jerks. Girls find dad bods more snuggl- JUST STOP.

If you’re one of those disciplined people who is fretting over all those sunk hours in the gym and the zillions of delectable and forgone calories you’ve wasted with the grueling diet you’ve forced upon yourself, I have good news for you: Nothing you have done has been in vain.

Let me show you something. Actually, let me show you a couple things.

Brad Pitt Fight Club

That’s Brad Pitt in the movie Fight Club. The year was 1999. What was the hot trend then? Was it the “Brad Pitt Bod,” maybe? Who knows. What I do know is it’s 2015 now and I don’t care what you say, ladies want that, men want to be that.

Moving along…

all99life Michaelangelo David

David was sculpted in the 1500’s but I don’t think GQ was around then to tell us what the “hot thing” was. Maybe picking this physique to sculpt was coincidence or an accident. Let’s check some other statues to be safe.

Related: My Bigger Leaner Stronger Review

We’ve all heard “body of a Greek god,” right? How did the Greeks imagine their gods?

all99life Hercules Cerberus

Here’s ol’ Hercules rocking Cerberus; lookin’ jacked.

For good measure, let’s check out a god that wasn’t exclusively known for his strength.

all99life poseidon

Oh, here’s Poseidon, god of the sea. Just standing around. RIPPED. You may have started to see a pattern here.

Pay attention here because this next part is very important.

Lean will ALWAYS be “in style.”

The Brad Pitt Fight Club body will ALWAYS be strived for. Greek’s likened being stacked to godliness in their art and statues.

Since the dawn of time, being shredded has been “the thing.” Being physically fit is sexy. It’s hardwired into our DNA. No website or magazine will change women’s genetic coding this summer.

If you buy into the whole dad bod craze you are, frankly, an idiot being sold what you want to hear in exchange for clicking the shit out of the editors’ articles.

The dad bod is popular because it is popular. It’s simply the “average bod.” The dad bod is just pretty much what everyone looks like now, especially those people who waste hours of their day scanning and then sharing articles they like on social media, i.e. college kids. Could that be a target market of some sort?

The dad bod is the bod of the spoiled lazy masses of fat-America, and the resultant articles are merely websites capturing the attention of, and then pandering to, those masses like internet politicians.

So some genius somewhere in front of a keyboard thunk to themselves, “Hrrmm, what should we publish? What will people want to read? Well, summer is coming up but abs articles are done to death. All shortcuts like getting abs in minutes a day have been published over and over. On the other hand, people don’t want to be told they need to work hard at something for an extended period of time, yuck. So what should we publish? What will give us the edge this summer? Hrrmm… I got it! We’ll go one step lazier! We’ll tell people whatever they are right now is exactly what ladies drool over!” Eureka.

Alright, so how ’bout it, ladies? King Leonidas before or after abs?

all99life gerard butler dad bod

Mmmm, how about that dad bod, am I right?

I’m not saying guys have to have abs to attract women. Girls love confidence first and foremost. When someone says “just be yourself,” they really are looking for the effect of “just be cool with yourself, pimples, stutter, and all, because that shows confidence and ladies love confidence.” I know plenty of guys who have amazing girlfriends even without stomach bricks. I haven’t had abs until this month and I’ve landed some pretty cute girlfriends in my day. It can be done.

That’s not the point.

The point I AM making, screaming, actually, is:

Don’t believe the hype!

Dad bod is a commercial ploy to get a bunch of saps to like and share articles with the idea in their head that, “Holy cow, I’m sexy now. See?! The internet says so, rite heer.” No, idiot. A wave of the magical internet-article wand hasn’t suddenly landed you as the object of millions of girls’ newfound lustful thoughts.

Sorry to disappoint, bro, but let’s face facts: You’re the target market and you’re being pandered to.

This is just another commercial wave of CRAP being shoveled and delivered to the naïve and accepting masses. It’s just that this year instead of coming up with, and feeding them, ineffective shortcuts to being better (“life-hacks” and “5-minute abs” are perfect examples) the writers just said, “Fuck it. You’re actually sexy already. Hooray.”

They’re just as lazy as the people they are targeting with their garbage articles!!!

Spoon-feed them acceptance for, no, REWARD THEM for being absolutely unremarkable and they’ll LOVE it. That was too easy.

Don’t be a moron. Don’t be a sheep. Don’t believe in shortcuts. See the obvious.

Leave the dad bod guys behind. Get your ass moving. We’ve got work to do.

No excuses.

About the author

Kyle Milligan

I'm Kyle Milligan. I really enjoy writing. I wrote a couple novels (The Hang-Ups and Hangovers series) and now I blog frequently on a bunch of different websites. I also enjoy lifting heavy things and and writing about it.

Leave a comment: