Frame Control – Embrace the Suck

Today I committed (even more fully) to my writing pursuit by accepting that I may be homeless very soon. At this point, I’m still not planning to get a “real job.” I’m a stubborn son of a bitch and I will make this work.

The Empty Room

It really hit me as I snapped pictures of all my possessions to post to craigslist. I felt an overwhelming sadness. A lot of the stuff I was selling I had owned a long time. Attachment had formed. My guitars. My TV. My Dresser. Then I imagined my big room, completely empty. Devoid of any sign of my presence.

When I pictured the empty room it felt like Kyle Milligan had never existed. Without all that furniture and stuff arranged to show that I inhabited the room, I wasn’t real. A familiar difficulty with breathing overcame me and a stinging and weighty thought that I had lived all this life and my time on earth was basically worthless. If I died tomorrow would this be it? There would be a few things distributed among my family and an ass load of debt laid at someone’s feet. That sucks.

It wasn’t just getting rid of my stuff that made me uncomfortable. If I did this, became a nomad or whatever it was I was doing, if I gave everything up, I’d have to give up some of my other core habits, or at least reinvent them. My fitness is important to me. How will I meal prep without a kitchen? What about a gym?

Frame Control

I recently finished Mike Cernovich’s book Gorilla Mindset (my review here) and I decided to apply his tactic of frame control in order to imagine my room in a less melancholic light. “Embrace the suck,” the Army Rangers say. I just read that in Mike’s book. Indeed, this will probably suck. It will be hard. But does it have to be all bad? I decided to try frame control.

Frame control is just changing the lens through which we see a bad situation. So I changed angles.

Maybe feeling like my life hasn’t meant a lot is exactly what I need to feel to get me going and do something great and worthwhile. Maybe this is just the step I was meant to take, but have been too afraid. Like when I finally left my job. Maybe it will be a great adventure and an experience that I will carry forever in my unique life-story. I imagined the freedom of having nothing and needing nothing. Just the road and my laptop. I tried to embrace it. I pushed away the fears and wonder about where I would lay my head at night. I made myself think about something else. Maybe I could just run outside more and do push ups to stay in shape…

I’ll grow from this experience, I told myself. I have a gigantic ego, I’ll admit. I’m prideful. This may humble me. Even as I type this, I already feel small and my rational thought struggles to contain the emotional, anxious side of me.

Don’t Tell Me You’re “Inspired”

Make More Moves and Less Announcements

I write to incite change in people’s thinking with the hope that people who feel trapped will discover the strength and courage to modify their behavior and take control of their lives.

After you read this, don’t tell me you’re “inspired.” What does that even mean? What good is “inspiration” without action? Don’t read this, get hyped up, then DM me that after reading you plan go back to school, you plan start on your first novel, you plan to do this, do that. Those messages are actually starting to frustrate me. What am I doing wrong that the same people keep saying to me, “one day?” How are they not getting the message? Do something.

If I wrote a blog and every day my post titles always read, “One day I’m going to quit my job. You just watch…” would YOU want to read it???

Get off your ass. It probably will be hard! Practice frame control: “Embrace the suck.” That’s my message to you. I don’t want to hear how this post has “impacted” you until you have some real impact to share. I don’t want to hear your plan I want to hear your progress. And you don’t have to quit your job like me, listen to Donata in our interview. She works as a lawyer and makes money with her own business.

I wrote up my story just to show you, and myself even, that we can make changes. I believe in this. The people who don’t believe do not because they are not doers, so they can’t understand the powerful results of action. And through the best and worst of times, as long as we’re still breathing, as shallow and difficult as our breaths may become in times of crisis, we’re still alright. We’re alive. That’s a gift. And we shouldn’t squander it.

About the author

Kyle Milligan

I'm Kyle Milligan. I really enjoy writing. I wrote a couple novels (The Hang-Ups and Hangovers series) and now I blog frequently on a bunch of different websites. I also enjoy lifting heavy things and and writing about it.

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